seabelle:

I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they

foulmouthedliberty:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

Being an adult is realizing that $5,000 is a lot of money to owe and very little money to own.

this is real

tittily:

my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’

neptunain:

go into a starbucks in NYC and say very loudly into your phone “this movie script is stale and trite! we need some new talent, someone with a fresh outlook” and wait

joeyjoe69:

what parents probably think school is like

image

bunnyhoodlum:

*asks mom if she can buy something for me in september*

"no christmas is coming"

humoristics:

A guy once told my lesbian friend that being a lesbian is a huge turn off for guys and that she’ll never find a boyfriend.

sleeve:

late night breakdowns are my speciality

butttom:

when ur friend dont hate the person you hate

image

trangst:

"i’m not white i’m greek"

image

watching maleficent
Maleficent: *turns raven into a human*
me: oh no
me: he's hot
kite117:

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your talking dog

kite117:

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your talking dog

pawshapedheart:


This needs to be in the next movie please

pawshapedheart:

This needs to be in the next movie please